Where are we taught how to be an authentic parent? One who acts with integrity, wisdom and courage and who listens, quietly, to the wisdom of their own heart.

Rather we absorb, unconsciously the teaching and patterns of our own childhood. We then are surrounded as parents by the “rules” spoken and unexpressed of our peers, other parents and families. The parenting manuals each prescribe differing psychological or sociological theories on which approaches support optimal rearing and development.

Yes, support is good, information is good, but all of these approaches take us ...out. Out “there”. Away from the quietness inside where we will always find the answers that are the right fit for us, for me, my family, my child. What is essentially a community activity – the rearing of a child – has become disconnected and thrust largely on to the hands of one or two individuals. Our children miss out on the far greater pool of energy, wisdom and emotional resources and diversity. Parents are overloaded, over-stretched and isolated and pulled away from the opportunities to nurture our own wisdom.

An event with one of my sons this week taught me wonderful lessons. I listened quietly to his responses to poor choices he had made. I offered my thoughts and initially indicated what the consequences would be. Then I felt a lot of sadness, not just at what he had done, but much moreso at taking action that did not sit with my heart, that was more measured by conditioned response, how others might respond or what might commonly be deemed “appropriate”. So after a spell of sitting quietly and going IN for my guidance, and discussing with my husband, we came up with creative and positive responses that felt infinitely better. I don’t want to continue patterns of teaching through punishment or guilt. This is not how we learn best.

And, “miraculously”, when my son came to see that he was truly being given an opportunity to learn from his mistake and develop his ability to take responsibility for his actions, he transformed from being in a space of dejection and feeling rejection to enthusiasm, and involvement. He started to have ideas of lots of ways he could take on new responsibilities. He was able to move back into receiving affection and love, knowing that he was always loved. We are simply trying to support him to grow and learn the best we possibly can.

We have to really pay attention to the level of awareness we bring to all our interactions with our children. How conscious are our choices? Are we expressing disapproval, silently or otherwise or holding on to anger? It does not matter what anyone else would do. Be bold. Be brave enough to go into your heart. And listen, softly….There I also found a new level of compassion. He made a mistake. I make mistakes every – single - day….Thank you Sam x